it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you made out with another girl for some wings
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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