Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
