It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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