Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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