he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
