Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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