Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
