my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
