you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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