Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Enjoy the penises
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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