Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
