the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
