That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
