K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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