after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
