I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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