I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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