glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
