I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
