Buhtt sex?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think people are normalizing furries
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
