i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
