I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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