he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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