dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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