Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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