Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
