I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
