your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
