More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
