Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Text me some of your sweat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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