I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
