So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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