Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
