Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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