my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
