he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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