1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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