and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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