how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need a burrito and a hug.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
