Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
