a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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