I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
