We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize