grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
