sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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