I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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