I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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