All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize