No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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