i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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