omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
