This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
