Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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