I smell stomach acid.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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