i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
