i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
