I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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