When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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