Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
