Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
