shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
