I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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