I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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