No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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