I think I am morally bankrupt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it penis luge time yet?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
