the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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