so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
