I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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