.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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