I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
