How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize