she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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