Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
