new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
