The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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