He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
