i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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