That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
