Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
