so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
