I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
